something i suck at

I may or may not be the worst parent you know, unless you know some child abuser or something. I just either (a) have no idea what to do with Aidan or (b) have screwed things up too much already.

Aidan has some issues that I wish would resolve themselves or I knew how to resolve them. He is SO NEEDY. And I don’t mean like attention-hungry or something. I mean physically needy. He needs constant hugging, and even though he’s four and about half my size at this point, he’s had a resurgence of wanting me to hold him constantly. It’s just not feasible. Between his massive size and my back issues, I just can’t hold him all the time, and I can’t hug him every second of the day.

Today was his first official t-ball game. He was the only kid on the field whining and wanting to leave the field. And he’s not the only four year old there. In fact, when he was on the field, he actually kept lifting his arms toward me, wanting me to hug him. At some point, it’s a problem. I mean, not only is it affecting his ability to participate with the other kids, but he’s getting to the age where I’d think he’d want to be a “big boy” and not be considered a baby. Even Liam is way more independent than Aidan is, emotionally.

I don’t spend any more time with Liam than I do Aidan, and I don’t give them any real difference of physical affection, so it can’t be a logical jealousy thing. I just keep thinking, what can I do to make him be more independent? If I keep him with me all the time, he’s too dependent on me, and I can’t get ANYTHING done. If I bring him to daycare for a regular routine, I feel like maybe that’s why he needs more attention from me, even though I know he’s fine once I leave. I let him do things for himself around the house, like try to get his own snacks and get dressed himself and bathe himself and stuff like that. It’s only the emotional stuff.

I just feel like he’s so whiny that it’s starting to make me feel like a horrible parent. I don’t know what to do to make him not whine. He doesn’t whine like that around Carol, so why me?