Okay, I just have to vent about something for a minute.
Let's just say for the record that I am aware that the grass is always greener on the other side. This said, does that mean that no one is able to ever generally complain about anything? Like, I am married and I have the two boys. There are definitely times that I am envious of my single friends, of their freedom, of their ability to do things without having to think about so many other people, of their nice apartments that they got to decorate on their own, and their ability to just up and move or do things like that with less to deal with.
Does this mean that I can't allow them to complain about anything to do with being single? No. I know that many of my single friends are envious of others who are married and/or have kids, because they would like to experience that family life. I have no problem with their talking about their lives and venting about doing things alone, etc. In turn, I don't expect them to think I'm evil for occasionally saying that I wish I could have more freedom, etc.
You know, I have had the same types of life tragedies that everyone else has had. I've had the relationships, I've been divorced, I've had two miscarriages, I've been through some hardcore depression periods, I've moved across the country and had no one around… And frankly, I think I'm doing pretty effing well. I go through life on a daily basis in a pretty positive manner. I might make sarcastic comments about things, but if you know me at all, you know that that cynicism is just part of my sense of humor, that sarcastic comments is how I entertain myself.
And through all of the life tragedies, I've had the same responses that other people have. During the miserable relationships, I've been completely envious of friends with happy relationships. Does that mean they weren't able to vent about things about their boyfriends or husbands that annoyed them? Hell no. I always listened to them and laughed or bitched with them. After the miscarriages, I had the horrible envy of people who were able to have healthy babies with no problems at all, but did that mean that I felt the need to condemn them if they complained about not being able to sleep or having to lug a bunch of baby stuff around? No. In my mind, I might have been thinking, Be glad you have a baby! but I wasn't openly yelling at them. When I moved here away from my family, I definitely was envious of my sisters who had my parents around to babysit and help with their kids, but that certainly didn't mean that I didn't allow them to complain about family drama when it happened. You never know how it feels to be in a situation or how you'd react to a situation until you've been in it yourself.
The bottom line is, if you want to be friends with people, you have to be able to appreciate their situations and take the good and the bad and not constantly make them feel as though they aren't appreciative enough of their lives. I can't imagine being in the position of some of my friends, who have had serious tragedies with deaths of parents and children with serious illnesses, but I would hope that even as they are going through those things, that if they are friends with me, then perhaps I can complain a little about my job or something without constantly being harrassed.
Everyone that has kids knows that it is not always an effing walk in the park. Does this mean that we don't want our kids? No. Does this mean that we can't appreciate the feelings of people who don't have them but want them? No. But until you have kids of your own, you should keep your opinions to yourself when someone wants to vent a little about them. Like, I remember when Candace's boys were little, wondering about how she'd react to things and why she was always so stressed out with her kids and stuff like that, and I remember being judgmental at times. It wasn't until I had kids of my own that I could totally appreciate her situation and completely empathize with her reactions to certain situations.
When you aren't in a situation, it might seem all roses and lollipops from the outside. You might think, "Man, I would gladly go through sleepless nights if I could just have a baby" or "I would LOVE to deal with marital issues if I could just find a good husband," but until it happens to you, you can't know. Just like I can think, "Man, I'd love to live alone in my own apartment," but I don't know what it's like to go home to an empty place. After I had my first miscarriage, I felt that way, like I would do anything to have a baby, but still, once I had my own sleepless baby, I was just a regular person, wishing I could sleep.
So if you're a superhero who plans to live your life perfectly and never complain about anything, CONGRATULATIONS! As far as I know, however, there are no superheroes among us, and I think we should just be able to support each other without being so hatefully judgmental of everyone around us. Because frankly, it just reveals you to be the miserable, nasty person you are, the person who is unable to get past his/her own problems and experiences and put yourself out there to change them. If you can't accept that there are negatives in everything, then perhaps it's because you are so consumed with your own negativity that you don't understand that there can be a little bad in anything that's good.
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