update for interested parties

So I had my follow up with the doctor yesterday. Last time I went, he added Abilify to my medicine regimen. I took it for a little over two weeks, and GOOD LAWD. The first few days it made me sleepy, so I started taking it at night, no problem. After about a week, it had the weirdest effect on me. I was totally jittery and like I had restless leg syndrome all over my entire body. I also couldn't concentrate on anything to get any work done at all. It sucked. Like, I felt like I could jump up a run a marathon. Or, perhaps a better description—if I ever want to learn to do the Irish river dance, Abilify is my weapon of choice. I felt like I could flail my legs around endlessly.

So I went to the doctor yesterday and told him. He took me off of Prozac and Abilify and said we're going to try Lexapro now. After just two days of no Abilify, I already feel better in that way. And I haven't had any of my spells for over a week, which is the goal. So we'll stay tuned for later updates.

the little chugs

Since I'm awake at 2:40 am AGAIN, I thought I'd blog about Liam's new "fun" practice.

He's decided that he is preparing for the StrongMan competition. I used to love to watch those when the guys in the band were setting up in the bar, where the guy bartenders often had it on TV before opening hours. You know, where they try to pull a Mac truck or lift a giant boulder in the most retarded, testosterone-driven contest ever.

So Liam has decided to try to lift anything remotely possible for him to lift. Giant toys, heavy pans… anything that comes into his contact.

The problem? He must have the strength to lift but not to hold. So he lifts the giant toy eighteen-wheeler and then hollers in anger the entire time he's carrying it, like WHO is making me carry this giant eighteen-wheeler? This is torture! So I'm constantly having to "explain" to him that he doesn't HAVE to hold it. Which is an exercise in futility since his vocabulary at this point consists of the following words:

No
Yeah
Nana (banana)
Bye Bye
Night Night
Moo
Milk
Quack
Ruff Ruff
Socks

idiots

Note to girl in hallway:

It is bad enough to walk through the hallway with your head completely down as you text and/or read texts on your phone. It is completely unacceptable, however, to pivot 180 degrees on your heel just at the top of the stairs to turn around abruptly, necessitating me to grab the wall or plunge violently down the steps.

Oh, and I hate you.

facts about me, since cassie tagged me

Since Cassie tagged me in her 25 facts thing, I'll do it, but I'm going to freely steal from Cassie's facts to make my own.

1. I literally think about changing my Facebook status at least once an hour throughout the waking day.

2. I screen calls. Not only do I screen, but I don't even answer when I know the person. I wait to see what the message is. Then I only call back if it's important or interesting. I am more likely to email you back. I DETEST talking on the phone in all forms.

3. I regularly think I am one episode away from a nuthouse. I have to have borderline OCD, and sometimes I think I have a mild case of bipolar disorder, but not the hardcore kind.

4. I love anything in miniature. Tiny shampoos and toothpastes. Short European cans of Coke. Dollhouses. If something is miniature, I will be tempted to buy it.

5. When I was in sixth grade, I used to sneak makeup in PE at school because I couldn't wear makeup until I was 13 (house rule). By the time I turned 13, I didn't care about wearing makeup, so I never started. I have literally never gone longer than maybe two weeks in my entire life in which I wore makeup every day. I wear it to work now (but only foundation and powder – and only because my skin got splotchy when I had the boys).

6. For the past five years, I have had the teacher schedule – shorter hours and longer vacations and summers off. And I know for a fact I'd be happier if I had a job to go to 8-5 year round, but I can't logically talk myself into giving up the vacations, especially since I am living so far away from family.

7. In addition to the OCD and BD, I think I may have the beginnings of a shopping addiction. I have had to stow my credit card so I will stop spending. Going to work is just so much more enjoyable in a new outfit. And really, why SHOULDN'T I have a karaoke Xbox game?

8. I could go the rest of my life and never have a pet, but I know we'll end up with dogs because of the boys. Perhaps I'll parlay that into a cat for when I get older.

9. I could eat restaurants every single day. I do not need homecooked food.

10. I like to watch the same shows OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Reruns are my best friend.

11. I would let someone amputate my small pinky toes if I could get free TiVo.

12. Even though I'm a writing teacher, I think much of good writing, spelling, and grammar skill is something you're born with. Most of it you can never learn without a serious commitment, a commitment that it may not be worth making with the new technologies.

13. I see myself going nuts about stuff and can't stop. I also see myself running into doors sometimes, and I can't stop.

14. I broke my leg in a car accident when I was less than one year old. I still have the cast. I learned to crawl in it and crawled right out, so they had to put a second, and I got to keep the first, whole one. It's here right now. It's about a foot long.

15. People are always saying how young I look, and all I can see is the wrinkles between my eyebrows. I would get Botox now if it were free.

16. I had laser surgery when I was 25 and had 20/20 vision. My first semester teaching at UCCS, I did all my grading online, and within one semester, my sight was gone to pot and now I have to wear glasses again.

17. I say STOP JUMPING and NO STOMPING about nine billion times a day to Aidan.

18. I dyed my hair for so long from around the age of 15 to the age of maybe 21 that I'm surprised my hair didn't fall right out of my head. Then I didn't dye it at all for several years, until I went blue last year.

19. One of the things that sucks about being a grown up and married is that most of my best times were spent with good guy friends, and that's not really feasible in my life now.

20. I become crazy if I don't have enough "ME TIME". Certifiably crazy. ß This is definitely true of me too, Cassie. Perhaps it runs in the family.

21. I think my religious upbringing screwed me up. ß Again, can't all of us Mays say this?

22. Most of the time, if I could take a pill that would make me feel full and have enough nutrients, I wouldn't eat. Eating is a chore much of the time for me.

23. My favorite nail polish color is blue.

24. I met my dentist's wife online (and then in person) through a Craigslist friend group posting, separate, and then later found out she was my dentist's wife.

25. I never have enough sleep.

why i’m on the edge… or, two hours of my life

5:10 pm – Ask Tony if he will watch Liam and deal with Aidan while I take a bath. Ask Aidan if he has to go potty (no) and inform them I am locking the door (a treat!).

5:30 – Aidan has to go to the bathroom. Twenty minute bath is interrupted by having to get out of tub, dripping, to unlock the door so he can pee, despite there being two bathrooms in the house. Tony claims that this is my first interrupted bath in days. HA!

5:33 – Get dressed in front of all three of them, since the choice made for rooms to play in was the room where I keep my clothes.

5:35 – Take Liam downstairs to play to avoid whining. He immediately demands my tooth flosser with violent whining. Without delay, he begins alternately scrubbing the floor with it and trying to stick it in my mouth. Reminder: Put flosser in dishwasher for next round of heat cleaning.

5:45 – Cheer GO GO GO! as Liam climbs stairs of own volition.

5:50 – Take Liam from Tony after Liam walks into a wall. Get Tony to fix him a cup of milk and go down to put him to bed.

5:55 – Put Liam into bed after humming lullaby in pitch black nursery for five minutes. Head upstairs.

Five full minutes of getting Aidan situated so HOPEFULLY he'll pass out after no nap today.

6:00 – Miss America begins. Commentary also begins.

6:19 – Aidan announces he's ready to go to bed. Tony is pretending not to hear us, despite my loudly saying, "CAN YOU WAIT TILL THEY ANNOUNCE THE TOP FIFTEEN?" I run downstairs with him, read a Little Critters book (or, half of one), sing This Little Light of Mine, kiss, hug, and run back upstairs just in time to see Miss Alabama be the LAST of the top fifteen. No clue who the first fourteen were yet. Ugh.

6:23 – Find out they only announced a few of the final fifteen first! Yeah!

6:32 – Fix bloody mary. Thank you, Zing Zang! No thanks to you, Worcestershire sauce, since you exploded onto the counter. And thanks to you, fridge – for the last two pickled okras. Yeehaw! Listen to Liam talking in bed through monitor. Refuse to go down to get him to sleep.

6:49 - More commercials. Liam finally quiet. Email commentary so far to Jenny and Candace, as Jenny is the only person I know who may care, and Candace I know will read my emails. I THINK both boys are sleeping. Yeehaw.

Morning...

5:05 – Liam starts hollering to be gotten out of bed. I didn't get to sleep last night until after midnight, after two Tylenol PMs and watching an entire movie... Told Tony to go to bed and finally got to sleep after midnight. Of course, Liam doesn't sleep in. Spend next half hour feeding Liam bananas and cereal and keeping him from (a) destroying anything (b) calling Candace on my cell phone (how does he always call her?) and (c) driving me insane.

5:43 – Aidan comes penguin walking into the living room. Tony still asleep. Aidan asks for banana, takes one bite, then gives up. Gives banana to Liam, who is now eating his third banana, while Aidan whines because I won't fix him cocoa puffs until Daddy gets up.

6:00 – Liam starts pooping. Messy living room starts driving me slowly insane.

6:10 – The boys and I dance into the kitchen to the beat of Liam's LeapFrog maracas to make coffee. Tony saunters up, feeling guilty.

my miss america commentary

In case anyone on the planet still watches Miss America besides me… And since I detest watching it alone... Here's my commentary.

Introduction to fifty two candidates:

• West Virginia – is that an afro?
  
• Just LeDoux it, Wyoming? Really?
  
• Miss Kansas – are you sure you're not from Jersey?
  
• Hi, I'm Miss Maine, and I'll be your child's preschool teacher this year.
  
• Okay, Miss Texas, really? No one's fooled by your speaking Spanish, blondie. And did Texas REALLY appreciate a big hair joke?
  
• Miss Mississippi – is that all? The counting method? That's Mississippi's big draw? Nothing like pumping up the potential tourism.
  
• Is Missouri really the mushroom capital of the world? And NOT the wig capital?
  
• Miss Montana has what I can only call nasal ramps.
  
• Miss Florida – I love your hair. That means you'll never make the top fifteen.
  
• Miss Ohio is HIDEOUS. Tony's comment: "She looks like the big Judd." Uh, yeah, he means Wynonna.
  
• Arkansas – pretty. Kentucky – thumbs up. Alaska – what's up with the ponytail? Is this sixth grade in 1987?
  
• New Hampshire – even Tony says she has bad hair.
  
• Colorado – I've taught INNUMERABLE students who are prettier than that here.
  
• Miss Louisiana – WTF with the nose?!?! What's up with ALL the giant noses here? Is the Miss American system a new compensation for big nose syndrome?
  

Announcement of finalists and judges:

• Okay, have we really reached the point where Jessica Simpson's hairstylist dude is a judge on Miss America? Was a real celebrity, or at least Paul Mitchell, not available?
  
• Yeah! Miss Arkansas! Top fifteen! Awesome hair!
  
• Note to Miss Hawaii – A study abroad in New Zealand doesn't license you to say "I used to live there."
  
• Yeah, I'm sure you're in it ONLY for the scholarship money, D.C. And I only teach for the joy of educational experience.
  
• I hate Miss New York immediately. Why hold your mouth like that? And no, we're not impressed that you claim you can beat box.
  
• Miss Florida made the top fifteen! Go cool hairdo! However, you are tarnished by your claim to have "eternal joy" in the voiceover.
  
• Miss Tennessee, your hair is too long.
  
• Okay, while the commercial is on, do we really have to have Mario Lopez? If we're going to have Clinton, why not Stacy as well? I detest Mario Lopez.
  

Swimsuit competition:

• Yay for the two British girls that teach people how to dress coming on next! The tall beautiful one showed her post-baby mushy stomach on TV once, forever making me feel better about myself and letting me know I can look good despite it.
  
• WTF is up with former Miss America's wadded up toilet paper covered dress?
  
• Yeah, yeah, Mario, we know that the swimsuit competition is for "fitness and self confidence". Hence the fake tans and spray adhesive.
  
• Swimsuit designers: Can we avoid the eighties color schemes EVER for the pageant? Do we have to use black and bright colors/neons? Kudos to the girls who chose the plain black.
  
• Miss Alabama – big ass. At least for pageant standards. Wait, no, Miss Delaware's ass is twice that size. Reminds me of what I think my sister's ex-husband's new wife's ass might look in a swimsuit.
  
• You have a long torso, whoever you are. You look like an alien. It's worse than that weirdo before you, who twirled full force right out of the gate in her bikini.
  
• Miss Tennessee – You could at least pretend not to have a boob job. It's Miss America, for chrissakes.
  
• Kudos to all for no one having chosen the stupid one piece option I am sure was given.
  

Announcement of next cut and evening gown competition:

• I hate you, former Miss America who refused to wear the crown during the tours, and acts as though the crown means bimbo. Then why the L did you try for Miss America? I'd want the crown tattooed on my body.
  
• Final twelve: Michigan (okay), Tennessee (puke), Hawaii (typical), California (very pageanty – no surprise if she takes the entire thing), Georgia (very attractive), Florida (cool hair girl!), Kentucky (still pretty), DC (still irritated by her stupidity earlier), Indiana (okay), COME ON ARKANSAS!... Iowa (no thanks, she earlier said "boys think my tractor's sexy), Arkansas (YES!), New York (cool leap when they called her, cute girl).
  
• Whoa, Miss America 1988 is very large. And 1981? You're too old for that dress.
  
• Evening gowns begin: Michigan just used the word poopy. And no, fuschia was not in style in 2003, the year of your prom. And your dress looks like it was ripped in half and your bra is hanging out. Sparkles don't make a difference.
  
• Tennessee, your favorite color being blue is not a reason to choose blue for Miss America's gown.
  
• Hawaii, nice choice with the yellow. Very pageanty dress. Appeals to my pageant traditionality.
  
• California, too bad your black gown blended into the background so I couldn't even see it.
  
• Oh, lawd, Georgia... the red makes your ass look huge.
  
• Odd choice, Florida. And not in a good way. Still cool hair, though.
  
• Kentucky. Black, but a pretty dress. Not Miss America, though. Maybe black tie for work.
  
• DC, I thought your head was twice its size with the reflection of the backdrop. And please don't compare Miss America to Marilyn Monroe. It's SO more Jackie Kennedy.
  
• Indiana's fivehead would look better with bangs. And with a dress that doesn't look like a biker bride.
  
• Iowa, you are a major nerd.
  
• Arkansas, poor gown choice. Too bad.
  

Talent competition part une:

• Yes, I'm sure the effing talent portion is your favorite, Mario.
  
• I detest the new practice of making them suit up even if they're not going to make it. Poor featherhead, if she doesn't get to perform (as a showgirl?)
  
• Why not just regular ballet? Why do we have to mess with the classics? Why "contemporary" ballet? It doesn't make it more impressive, DC. I could do a split better than that.
  
• Georgia – obvious singer in that dress. Ugh. Music from The Wiz has been done to death. Come on, sound guys, the mix is terrible. Where are her vocals in this mix? Not a good enough job. I can sing as good or better, which means you don't deserve to win.
  
• Another singer with New York. Better dress, though. Talky-singing musical voice. WEIRD song choice. Frankly, this performance SCREAMS "I have no real talent and no training in dance or musical instruments, so I had to come up with something." Okay until the end. Terrible.
  
• Hawaii. Clearly traditional Hawaiian dance, in those feathers. Oh, I was wrong. Tahitian. Why not Hawaiian?!?!? Cool. And the belly dancing Shakira moves are awesome with all those feathers! But again, this screams, "I have no other talent, and had to throw something together with an impressive outfit to hide my lack of real talent."
  
• Indiana. Another singer by that dress. And WHAT IS UP with the Sandi Patty song?!?! Via Dolorosa? Not really a good choice considering you have a time limit of like thirty seconds. Decent voice, though. Kind of operatic, like Sandi Patty. But odd choice of a religious song… Not sure if that's a crown winner.
  

Talent competition part deux:

• Oh, no, Florida, a monologue? No, thank goodness. A dancer. How cute is the dress and the choice of songs. Dance abilities aren't that great, but better than a half-assed song.
  
• Tennessee. Singer by the dress. Nice on the foreign language song. Someone who is an actual real singer. Opera. Too bad you're still ugly.
  
• Thank goodness for a real dancer. Ballet. Not contemporary.
  
• Cool! A tap dancer! Go, Iowa, go!
  
• Michigan. Cute jazz dance. Know what would be cuter? Flaming batons.
  
• I just noticed the incredibly stupid little trivial tidbits on the screen. How retarded.
  

Questions:

• Not a lot to say. The questions effing sucked.
  
• Okay, I ignored most of this, because two people started chatting with me on Facebook. Hi, Vanessa and Dawn!
  
• And NOW I've officially abandoned the pageant until they announce the winner.
  

Announcements:

• Florida! Cool hair won fourth runner up!
  
• New York! More cool hair!
  
• Nerdy old Iowa got second runner up!
  
• Georgia first runner up. Good choice.
  
• Okay, Miss Indiana?!?!?! No thanks. Biker bride won it all. I'm disenchanted as usual. Later, Mario. Idiot.
  

proof of the amazing number of elderly where i live

Okay, how many times have you gone into Office Depot and seen the elderly in force?

I just went to ship my sister's birthday present and was the only person besides the employees under the age of, I'd say, 85 in the place. I'm talking gray hair, canes, hunched backs.

Then on the way home, I nearly hit this elderly man (who was obviously trying to be young) on his BIKE in the street. He was riding a mountain bike, had iPod speakers hanging from his shoulders, and was on the cell phone with one hand. Riding in the street against traffic on a major thoroughfare. I complain about the 1973 Datsuns on the road going 12 miles an hour, but come on, dude? Take the Datsun next time.

el jefe

Okay, so here's my take on the inauguration.

I have to admit, and I think I already have admitted on here, that I didn't vote for Obama. I have no problem with him, and I was really borderline on the two candidates. There were things I detested about both and things I liked about both. My major problems with Obama were the lack of experience and his desire for a huge government with more tax-based programs. And we all know that McCain's military record is huge for me (and I'm a big sucker for Vietnam vets, because of my dad). Regardless, I voted McCain (despite my disgust for Palin), but I was fine when Obama won, and I knew he would win from day one anyway. And let me say again, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HILLARY. I'd have voted for Hillary every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

That said, I think Obama is a positive figure for the country. I think he's optimistic, and I think that no one can screw things up any worse than they are screwed up now, and I think at least he lacks the megalomania that Bush/Cheney had. Really Cheney. That dude gives me the effing creeps.

I couldn't watch the inauguration because I was in class, but I saw some of the highlights. Here's my comment:

1) Cool that Michelle chose an unknown designer, but can we stop talking about her fashion choices? She's the first lady! I am pissed enough that there isn't any better language to refer to her than "Mrs. Obama" since she's going to be working her buttcheeks off in the political realm for the next years.

2) Do we have to show the president dancing? I know perhaps some people think it's cool that it shows he's an "everyman," but to me, it's just undignified. If he's having to shout "TURN YOUR KEY!" into the nuclear phone, I don't want to picture his butt shaking to "At Last."

3) Despite how much I dislike W, I gotta say I am sad to see the White House change hands, just because someone losing/getting booted out always makes me sad. Like, my favorite NFL team of all time could win the SuperBowl, but I would still be sad for the losing team. Every year when I see the shots of the losing team for the SuperBowl or the World Series or whatever, I get teary-eyed. I always have to be sad for the underdog.

4) Does anyone besides me get tired of hearing everyone say "I never thought I'd see the day when we'd have a black president?" Why not, idiots? I always assumed that in my lifetime (and not like when I'm 80), we'd see a black president and a woman president. It's just the way things will happen. It's ridiculous to think it's NEVER going to happen. Grow a brain, idiots.

the downfall of humanity

I just watched a four minute youtube video of these three losers, presumably college kids, two girls and one guy, in a crappy kitchen doing the booty bump to a rave-type techno song called "&*(^(& on Cocaine." I'm talking four straight minutes of booty bump. And they apparently posted this themselves. This is the generation that's going to be leading the country when I'm my parents' age.

Then I thought, Wait. My generation is coming up next. And I DID just spend four entire minutes of my life watching three losers do the booty bump. Not exactly the most admirable or ambitious activity, I guess.

idiots

Note to jerky couple boarding flight from Dallas:

You are flying Southwest. That means you are in the same financial boat as the rest of us. Stop operating under the delusion you are a first class passenger on the Concord. You needn't run me over or tackle the lady in front of me... those two individual seats taken are not going to make you miss the flight. You also need to be aware of the hundred people waiting behind you as you leisurely settle into your seats taking up the entire aisle THEN rise to stow your briefcase, which would have fit under a seat anyway. Additionally, should you choose to be a major jerk, perhaps you should keep your boarding pass hidden so that potential serial killers don't have your name. Ellie Fenton. Flying from Dallas Love to Amarillo. That's ELLIE FENTON.