inner child

I've been thinking how funny it is the way that a little part of us never gets past some of those people/events in our history, at least not totally. It's especially been noticeable now that I'm in touch with so many people from high school on Facebook. Like, we graduated over fifteen years ago. In those fifteen years, I've been married, divorced, married again. I've gotten two degrees, had multiple jobs, had two miscarriages and two children. I've lived in various cities in Louisiana and have moved to Colorado. I've presented at an (sort of) academic conference, had an article published in a literary journal. I've bought two houses and have learned not to give a crap about what anyone thinks and to just have fun with life.

But inside, when I talk to certain people, there's still that little twinge of my teenage self. Not anything major, just a little shading. Like, emailing with someone who was once a best friend and then we grew apart, I sort of see that little preteen, wishing she had been able to keep up and stay friends and join the girl's new group. Getting friend requests from people from high school that I wouldn't have known they even know who I am, there's a seventh-grader in me that is thinking, "How do they know me?!" Having a message exchange with a guy I used to like umpteen years ago brings out the teenager in flux who's thinking, "Will I always be one of the guys?"

In real life, I don't have a problem with self-esteem anymore. In fact, I'm guessing a lot of people think that I'm conceited, and I can't disagree about that entirely. I know I'm not a supermodel, but I'm not a troll either. I am pretty secure about my job and my life and that I'm pretty smart and decent at what I do. I don't mind dancing on an empty dance floor or talking in front of a group, and I can easily laugh it off when I fall down in public (which is good, since it happens a lot). But deep down, I guess that insecure, depressed, "I'm not good enough" 17-year-old dressed in all black is still there.

the many faces of jamies

Following the direction of a friend, I went to urbandictionary.com and put in my first name. Check out these hilarious entries for me:

1. Jamie
A sweet girl with a cheery disposition on life, love and friendship. A cute girl.
Example:
Frank: So was she hot or what?
Tom: Cute smile great body, she was such a Jamie.


2. Jamie
A girl who is intelligent, yet silly. A girl who is cold on the outside, yet warm and cuddly on the inside. A girl who tell her friends everything, yet she has many secrets hidden. A girl who is a great friend, yet a worthy adversary if you are not a friend of hers. A girl who is extremely sweet and innocent, yet she kicks someone's ass when necessary.


3. Jamie
The king of stealing, is a fucking criminal mastermind of stealing. Is never caught and is very mischievous.
Example: You pulled a Jamie.


4. Jamie
The hottest girl on earth. She can melt the heart of any guy.
Example: This girl is the hottest girl on earth. She must be a Jamie.


5. Jamie
Someone who is hard to understand. She can be crazy, but her friends love her for that. Can have a bad temper but gets over it fast. Loves being random, is well liked.
Also, she is a shy person, and cares for many.
Example: I don't understand that Jamie.


6. Jamie
Those with the name Jamie tend to be kind people who enjoy music. They're great with making friends and usually have dark hair. Some are very attractive. They can be quiet at times but, given the chance to party... they will... Some have dry senses of humor and can be confused easily... that's part of the humor... Jamies usually have a crooked smile. Many like to dance and just have a good time. Male Jamies are totally and utterly attractive and absolutely love to "unleash the hound" and just dance it out till the sun comes up... and, if you're a Jamie and reading this, you lucky dog... :D Female Jamies are fun to be around and can be slightly tone-deaf... but all's good because they make up for it in attitude.