little known facts about me

1) I say that I am an open book all the time if people ask me if I keep a lot of secrets. And even though I think that’s mostly true, except in cases where it’s a matter of self-preservation, there is one thing I do not discuss. With anyone. Bodily functions. I even get a little embarrassed talking to my doctors. Like, I think I would pose for Playboy (assuming they’d want me to do so). Like seriously, the thing that would keep me from being a stripper if I had no other way to earn a living isn’t the nudity but my discomfort dancing in public, but I don’t want to discuss any bathroom activities with anyone.

2) Often, when I’m in a group of people hanging out, I get on my own nerves. It’s like I am sitting outside of myself in the group, seeing myself annoy others, but I can't stop it. This has become especially pronounced now, since I’m more self-conscious here with people I really don't know well. I am super-conscious of all my little annoying habits, like repeating myself or saying things that are taken the wrong way, things that my people back home would dismiss.
3) I could watch the same shows on TV a thousand times. Like, I will forego watching a new DVD from Netflix because there’s an SVU marathon on TV.

4) I have a weird intolerance for rudeness. Like, when I taught high school, I couldn't care less if the kids came in with purple hair and a two inch spike through the nose -- but it really chapped my hide when they bump into me in the hallway and don't say excuse me. I get internally FURIOUS if I can't get through a grocery store aisle because some discourteous person is leisurely taking up the aisle.

5) While one of the major reasons I wanted to move out of LA was the heat, and I certainly appreciate the temperatures here, I miss the humidity like you wouldn’t believe. Everyone says, “I bet you’re glad it’s not so humid,” and sometimes if I’m especially homesick I could punch them in the face, the same way I feel sometimes when a Puebloan says the word “soda” with that Pueblo accent. When it’s humid, I feel like I can BREATHE.

6) I love watching beauty pageants. Mostly Miss America. The Trump pageants suck, but the Miss America series rocks. Judge me all you want.

7) I am pretty sure I have a mild case of OCD. Not joking, for real. I literally cannot go to sleep unless I have done the following: taken a bath that must include at least a few minutes of laying in the tub and reading, shaved my underarms and legs from hip to ankle, lotioned every part of my body that I can reach, and flossed and brushed my teeth. I also occasionally get into the routine of including eating ice cream or drinking something specific before I go to bed and then I can't go to sleep without doing that. For example, I had trouble going to sleep when I switched from chewable vitamin C to swallowable vitamin C. I also have to keep myself even. For example, if I start going up steps with my left foot, and there are an odd number of steps, and my right foot doesn't get an equal number, my left foot feels heavy for a long time. If I step on a line in the tile or sidewalk with one foot and am paying attention, I have to do it with the other foot, or again the heaviness will show up.

8) I literally HATE reading for deep meaning. I don't know if it's my age or personality or the years I spent in school, but I just want to read for fun and maybe look at cultural or social significance. Rarely am I interested in symbolism, etc. Which is pretty stupid, for an English teacher.

9) When I first started college, I wanted to be a journalist. Why did I not pursue that goal? Because the only intro to journalism class was offered on Tuesday and Thursday, and I wanted to go to school on Monday/Wednesday/Friday. For two or three semesters, I refused to change my schedule to T/Th, so I ended up having to switch out of journalism.

10) I’d never consider myself to have an eating disorder, because when it comes down to it, I will eat all your chips and salsa and potato salad, if my mom made it… but I literally could never eat if I didn’t have to. If they invented some sort of pill that would replace the nutrients and the feeling of eating, I would do that 9 times out of 10. Unless there is a social reason to eat, I hate having to do it to stay alive. Hardly anything I eat regularly is that satisfying. Plus, say what you will, if I had my way I’d weigh 95 pounds. I just want to have one of those skinny skinny skinny bodies I had when I was younger. I am still small, but I’m talking like Dr. Rey’s wife on Dr. 90210. As sick as she looks sometimes. I would love to be that skinny.