ANTM October 1

Okay, is it just me, or are you ready to kill Paulina? Janice was the judge everyone loved to hate, and frankly, I loved her. But I also love Simon on American Idol. Twiggy was okay, particularly once they introduced Miss J into the mix... he's the new critique person, and Twiggy's accent made me laugh at her comments. Really, I could laugh myself silly when Miss J says "What erszh it? Exquerszhite." Paulina is the worst development to the show since the expanded the season premiere debut budget.

Between chasing Aidan into the bathtub and getting him set up with Shrek the Third, I missed some of the beginning, but unfortunately, I did not miss the part where Paulina comes out pretending to be all frumpy in an ill-fitting skirt/suit. Whatever, jerk. You're six feet tall and wear a size two. I am not even someone who struggles with my size, and that ticks me off, so I can only imagine. That whole challenge was ridiculous. Because God knows, if you go to a catalog shoot, you'll be subjected to altering your own outfit using Bud Light cans and crazy straws. If I were a catalog publisher, I'd be so ticked. And knowing what has happened with the careers of the ANTM girls in the past, they shouldn't be burning the catalog bridge.

Then we segue into the annoying life of Marjorie. (I just learned from Tim Gunn how to spell segue via a Project Runway subtitle! I always thought it was segway like the machine!) I'm not going to waste my time on this, but, um, Marjorie? Having parents who were born and raised in Europe doesn't make you retarded; it just makes you European. I've spent a little time in France, and the populace there is not retarded. Like you.

The photo shoot was sort of stupid, as usual. Not more stupid than last week's "your whole face underwater" shoot, but also not as cool as the hot air balloon shoot. The retro clothes and hairdos were supercute, but I hate the natural disaster motif. God knows what they were shooting for with that. They raved over a few that I thought sucked (like Samantha). They praised old needlenose McKey despite the fact that her face looks like she's been smashed in the pages of a book. And they were only mediocre with Analeigh and Lauren Brie, who are my new favorites. They are the cutest ones. And Paulina had the nerve to call Analeigh "not photogenic". Whatever, Paulina. Have you seen your husband lately? I wouldn't be calling anyone non-photogenic.

So in the end, they boot Clark, vise-face girl that despite the vise-face, I sort of liked. Oh well. I guess you get what you pay for, because apparently she had a nose job before going on the show. Here are her before and after rhinoplasty shots.

BEFORE

AFTER