pageant of the bizarre

You know, oftentimes I think perhaps I'm a few cards short of a full deck. When I step on a crack with my left foot but not with my right foot and my left foot feels distinctly heavier for an indeterminate period of time afterwards, I think perhaps I should see someone about brain chemicals other than my GP. When I experience extreme annoyance upon hearing the incorrect grammar in Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" ("I'm gonna miss you like a child misses THEIR blanket" -- it's HER blanket, jackass), I think perhaps OCD therapy is really in order.

I also sometimes think that other people are insane. Like when a student emails me to tell me that he won't be in class today because he overslept... like that's an excuse. Even more, when I look around the living room at these two little humans and think, Who in the world let me take these kids home to raise?

That said, a few of my peeps have, in the past, joined eHarmony, that internet dating/matchmaking site. Some have had friendly experiences, some haven't dated at all... regardless, they still send you matches occasionally, even if you don't use them for a while.

Behold. Hark. I have found the definition of "crazy." It lies within this particular profile, for a "prize" named Michael. This is not made up! I didn't change anything! It's straight off of a match email someone forwarded to me.

The one thing Michael is most passionate about:
Being a good father and my own spiritual evolution; dwelling in the peace that I have found.

The most important thing Michael is looking for in a person is:
That she is capable of feeling as deeply as I do; that she is not afraid of passionate abandon; that she know what it is to dwell within the unseen and the boundless.

The first thing you'll probably notice about Michael when you meet him:
I don't see how this can possibly be known.

The one thing Michael wishes MORE people would notice about him is:
I do not wish for things such as this.

Michael typically spends his leisure time:
Reading worthy books; cuddling with my children; making love.

The things Michael can't live without are:
Air
Water
Food
Shelter
Anything else is illusion.

The last book Michael read and enjoyed:
The Tao Te Ching. It is a book about everything and nothing. What I liked most? "... ..."

Some additional information Michael wanted you to know is:
If you need to move slowly, I'm not the one. If you are unable to lay your spirit bare, I'm not the one. And, if attention, affection, communication and touch make you feel "smothered," then definitely... I'm not the one.