my bone to pick

Okay, this is not a new topic for me to discuss, but here goes anyway.

I went to this church this morning. I've been meaning to try out a few to see if I can find one I like around here, so I can bring the boys. I went to the first one today, an Assemblies of God one. Very small, very new. It was alright. The people were really friendly, and it was very casual. The preacher was okay, not particularly compelling or interesting, but not ultra boring or stupid. And as an Assemblies of God church, I know basically their beliefs, so I was prepared for any conservative politics, etc. And there wasn't anything that worried me much.

There was just one statement that grated on me a little, a very small side comment about Prozac.

As I'm sure you know, I take a few crazy meds. I know that there are people who think it's stupid and that medications aren't necessary, etc. I know that there are people who don't believe in them. And I know that the hardcore religious community often believes that medication would not be necessary if one was living the way that they believe is right.

I have issue with this. Let me just say something. I have had problems with this crap since I was in sixth or seventh grade, possibly before, but that's the earliest I specifically remember. I was raised in church, and everyone knows my parents. I didn't start any real rebellion against anything until high school, and I lived a clean life. But still, there I was, a 12 year old, wanting to kill myself. As I got older, I definitely had my backs and forths with religion and spiritual beliefs. But I NEVER was able to leave these issues behind. I had equal bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts regardless of what I was doing with my life. I had serious depression when I was going to church three or four times a week and hanging out with church friends and doing a 100% religious living. And I had serious bouts of depression when I was partying and drinking in college. It was equal ALL THE TIME. It always went back and forth, and I was typically pretty good at being highly functioning about it, so I guess people might not have known any of it. The only time I ever went any amount of time without serious issues was when Tony and I first were dating, and I'm guessing that was the new love endorphins. J There were times I took medication and times I didn't, but until I took Prozac after I had Liam, I didn't find any relief from any of it. After a while, it stopped working, and we had to try something else, and things are good again.

So why is it that people have to be so negative about something that helps others? It doesn't give me any sort of high. It's legal. It doesn't have any real side effects. By talking to me or being around me, you wouldn't even know I was on anything if I didn't mention it.

If we can believe that there are brain malfunctions that cause Alzheimer's, dementia, Parkinson's, Lou Gehrig's, then why can't we believe that there are much smaller malfunctions that can affect mood in a way that must be balanced out with medicine? I mean, I am not saying at all that these horrible diseases relate in any way to depression. My great grandma died after suffering from Alzheimer's for YEARS, and I've got friends and family members who've had their experience with relatives with these other diseases. I'm just saying, why does it have to be devastatingly life threatening for us to believe in it?

If you're happy on your own, if you never feel the overwhelming urge to drown yourself over a very minor problem, if you never feel as though you wish you were dead when there is literally nothing going wrong in your life and you can't figure out why, then good for you. But why knock those of us who aren't so lucky? And why make it so that someone who feels so much better on medication must feel guilty morally for wanting to feel better?