ANTM Cycle 11 Episode 3: Makeovers

I read Jennifer Eolin's blogs about Project Runway, and they are hilarious. I'd love to find one that is about America's Next Top Model, since it's my favorite show on my cable package, but since no one has ever sent me word of one, I am going to occasionally blog about it myself.

So this week was makeover week. Let me say, I will defend the quality of the show as far as seeing cool pictures – which is why this show is good no matter who is cast, because it's always cool to see the pictures and hear the critique. HOWEVER, I will not defend the stupidity of this season's little sketches. You know, they've done some pretty retarded theme-y sketches in the past. The military opener. The schoolgirl opener (ANTM Academy). I thought we'd at least gotten past the terrible sketches after that unspeakably horrible opener with the stupid robots and machines. Oh, no. Last night they pulled out something even dumber, with that whole Snow White/poison apple thing. So you want the makeovers to be a surprise. Why not just say that? Idiots. I will say, however, that they should have done this from the very start. Then people couldn't protest and they'd just have to deal with it after it was over. So on to the makeovers.

I don't know what the hell was up with Elina, my favorite face of the competition. I mean, okay, you want to eliminate the dark hair, but why not let her have STRAIGHT hair? It could be red, although I still think she looks a hundred times better as a brunette. Like my sister Candace said, she ended up looking like Carrot Top.

Samantha's makeover, though, might have just pushed her into my top three. Of course, it's very similar to the haircut I had before I stupidly changed it and cut it shorter, so perhaps I'm biased. Of course, mine never looked like that since I don't know how to fix it.

Isis just needs to be voted off. If she's already talking about feeling uncomfortable posing in swimsuits, then she needs to wait until she's post-op to try the modeling thing. Besides the fact that she needs dental work. Her bone structure is good, but come on.

Joslyn continuously amazes me in the pics. At least her face. I love when miss j made fun of her pose. She's so annoying in person but her face looks so modelly. She's from Louisiana, so of course she's annoying. Much like the girl they had a few seasons ago when they had to boot her off because she was so miserable all the time because of Hurricane Katrina. Like, I'm pretty sure any other evacuee would be THRILLED to be put up in a fancy house in the city and fed and paid by Tyra Banks rather than the toxic FEMA trailer.

I have a feeling that they intentionally gave Lauren Brie platinum blonde hair because they are going to eventually use the excuse that she's too "Americana California girl" to be America's next top model. Then she'll get kicked off all because of their makeover. They did the same thing to Renee a few seasons ago: essentially cut her hair into a mullet and then when they kicked her off, they said it was because she looked too old. Anyone looks old with a mullet.

Sheena should just go ahead and leave now. She looks like a giant, but that's not why. Unless they're going to continue the political statements (last season's "plus-size" winner is political statement one; pre-op transsexual is obviously two), I can't imagine she'll win. She's too Maxim.

McKey looks essentially the same to me. From bright red hair to goth black… it's all extreme. Her face looks good in pictures, but I don't like her. Moving on…

Clark seems like a nice enough person, but her face looks like someone took it in a vice and squeezed. It's so pointy and narrow. Brown hair doesn't cover that crap up.

Marjorie looks better with the brown hair, but OKAY, TYRA, we get it. She's lived in France. Must you hack into the terrible French accent every time you say her name? It's like when Katarzyna was on last season. She attempted to teach them to pronounce her name correctly for like half the season, and finally Tyra just essentially said, I don't care, this is how I'm saying it. So she was Ka-TAR-jin-uh the entire season.

Despite the girls' attack on Hannah, she's also a favorite of mine. I don't think she's more photogenic than the other girls, but she seems so cute and regular. And I love her new hair cut. Those are the bangs I was going for when I cut mine, to no avail.

So last we have Analeigh and Brittany. Could they have made it ANY more obvious throughout the show that one of them was going home? I didn't even remember Brittany's name after the last two shows, and this time they showed her talking constantly. And Analeigh was the other one that they focused on. I think she's cute, but not in pictures. So they are in the bottom two, and they vote off Brittany. So, let's keep Vise-Face Clark, Buxom Sheena, and Political Statement Isis and vote off one of the prettiest faces in the competition. Idiots. I've agreed with the kickoffs the last two weeks, with Anorexia Girl and "I AM America's Next Top Model" Girl, but this week they got it wrong.