props to the HB

So I often feel as though I am not the greatest parent in the world. I mean, I’m not going to use the word “worst” because it’s not like I’m a meth head or a prostitute or something, but I definitely think I could be better. However…

I am constantly guilty because I have absolutely zero desire to stay at home with the boys. And when I say zero, I mean I bring them to daycare even on days that I am at home without a whole lot of work to do, even though I feel so guilty I could drive my car into a tree on the way home. I just know that if I keep them at home with me, both of them, I’ll be insane by the end of the day, and I’ll feel even worse for not being a good enough mom to be happy with them and not get aggravated.

I also feel like a big piece of crap most of the time about playing with Aidan. Not that I never play with him, but I feel like there are probably moms who have the energy and desire to play with their three-year-olds constantly, unless they are actively doing housework or cooking or something. Like I am a giant loser because I just want Aidan to chill while I watch a TV show or read a little. And while normally he just wants my presence, which is easy, I feel especially guilty when he wants to play outside, because frankly, I could never enter the out of doors in my entire life and I’d be a happy person. I have no desire to do sports or to do anything that requires me to sweat or be unable to sit or lie down comfortably. Again, I do take Aidan outside to play, so I’m not the worst mom in the world.

I guess I feel terrible because I just frankly don’t want to do most of the things I have to do. I mean, I stupidly look forward to the day when my kids are teenagers and are doing their own things so I can have my life back. Of course, at that point, I’ll be saying, “Oh, remember when they were so young and cute and wanted to talk to me?” When I married Tony, I thought, Yes! Here’s a guy who will be happy playing ball and doing outdoorsy stuff with my kids so I don’t have to. Joke’s on me… we’re equally lazy. A match made in heaven.

Anyway, the point of this little confessional is to say that I always enjoy when someone whom I consider to be an excellent mother says something that makes me feel like I’m not so bad. I don’t know if I’m just way worse than anyone on the planet or just perhaps people don’t spill the beans as much as I do about the negative.

I went to my cousin C’s house while we were in Louisiana and hung out with him and his wife H. H stayed at home with both of her kids (she still does, although not full time now, since E started kindergarten and Olivia was already in school). She clearly budgets well, her house is spotless every time I go over there. The kids are clearly not spoiled jackasses, and she’s maintained her attractiveness. They don’t even have cable, or at least they didn’t the last time we watched TV there. She’s all about the family. And when we were there, she admitted that when O was little, they started a routine of taking turns to read her a story to put her to bed when she was little, and about how annoying it got to be, so annoying that they never even started that with E because they didn’t want to be stuck doing it every night.

That made me feel a hundred percent better. I am always thinking, “I should want to play outside! I should want to read this Fozzie the Bear book another four hundred times! Why don’t I enjoy playing Matchbox cards with Aidan?” I really appreciated H's honesty in that situation, although I’m sure she just said it in passing. People should admit those things more, so that the rest of us losers don’t have to feel so bad about ourselves. :)